Indian couple in their 70s name their newborn son ‘Orphan’

© Barcroft Media

An Indian couple in their 70s who underwent fertility treatment at a controversial IVF clinic in Haryana state, have welcomed their first child – a healthy baby boy – but have warned their son not to get too used to having them around.

72-year-old Daljinder Kaur and her 79-year-old husband Mohinder Singh Gill who have been trying for a baby for 47 years have already defied Indian life expectancy figures by living longer than 69.6 years (female) the 67.3 years (male) respectively, so whether the baby boy will even be able to remember their funerals is highly questionable.

Mrs Kaur said: “We will raise him and give him a proper education… well, by that I mean he’ll have a wonderful life in a impoverished Indian orphanage and will have to teach himself to tie his own shoelaces… but hooray! I’m finally a mum and I intend to enjoy it until the grim reaper comes aknockin’ next week.”

Father Mr Gill is also over the moon: “Being an older father is highly recommended. Rather than just ignoring our son crying, I genuinely can’t hear him! Deafness does have its benefits, you know.”

Mum Dalijinder says she’s excited for what the future holds and can see other benefits to them being older parents: “Having a baby is really time consuming… but I’m looking forward to the weaning stage when I can give him exactly the same mushed up vegetable crap that I currently feed his father.”

She continues: “Nowhere else has the circle of life and death been so seemlessly packaged together – we’re an existentialist’s wet dream. Our baby is almost a reincarnation of his own head!”

Father Mohinder agrees: “There’ll be no ‘education by Lion King DVD’ for our boy. He’ll be learning all about life’s hard truths first-hand by having to master complex Estate Settlement laws as a three year old. We’ve named him as the executor of our wills, so he’d better bloody well be up to the task. First he needs to learn to walk… but then he’d better get his freakin’ probate on.”

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