Nicky Morgan fails driving test for attempting an unconvincing U-turn

Attribution: Policy Exchange (Creative Commons).

It’s been revealed today that the Education Secretary, Nicky Morgan, has failed her driving test as a result of attempting to undertake a thoroughly unconvincing U-turn.

Ms Morgan’s examiner, Ms Tess Taken, said the practical driving test was the worst example of a U-turn the Driver of Independent Vehicles Academy (DIVA) has ever witnessed.

Ms Morgan’s Driving Instructor, Ms Minnie Driver of Academy Driving School, said it was a part of her training that she’d failed to practise in the past: “I’ve been asking her to perform a U-turn all last week, but she flatly refused. I’m not the only one either – every time we drove past a parent on the street they’d yell out ‘Reverse! Reverse!’ but she went out of her way to ignore them. She’s as stubborn as a blood stain on a crisp white sheet, that one.”

Ms Morgan justified her behaviour by saying: “A U-turn is a U-turn. Nobody likes doing them, but on the highway of life, they are sometimes necessary. Yes, mine was chaotic but it’s been done now.”

But Ms Taken is not so sure: “If you examine the U-turn more closely, there really was no substance to it at all. It wasn’t even a U-turn. At the exact point she did it, there was actually a whole load of exhaust smoke in the rearview mirror.”

She continues: “At the time of the U-turn, we were driving in the country. I looked out the window and saw what I thought was a sheep, but on closer inspection it appeared to be a wolf wearing a natty fleece. I took it as an omen.”

To read more of The Indeparent’s thoughts on Nicky Morgan’s forced academisation scheme, check out ‘Tories to force Brixton Academy to become a secondary school‘.

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