An international parenting group calling itself the ‘What The Fuck Have We Done?’ are urging the Nobel Committee to posthumously award Steve Jobs the Nobel Peace Prize. Their argument focuses on his celebrated international humanitarian work, which has led to a new global parenting phenomenon called the ‘Sunday morning lie-in’.
Parents everywhere have been spending their Saturday nights cracking open the prosecco, bingewatching Making a Murderer on Netflix, charging their iPads up to 11 and leaving them beside their children’s beds, safe in the knowledge that, come morning, they’ll be woken up gradually by the dulcet tones of Kung Fu Panda 2.
“I’ve made a recording of myself repeating my iPad passcode out loud, and I play it to my four year old, Barnaby, while he sleeps,” said mother of two, Anita Sleep. “It reassures him throughout the night, and in the morning I come down to him and his brother playing Crossy Road and eating Cheerios straight from the box. Thank the lord for Steve Jobs!”
Online shopping website Amazon has reported an increase in sales for its Griffin Survivor All-Terrain iPad Case amongst the parents of four to seven year olds.
“We even managed a bunk up the other morning to the background noise of My Little Pony”, said parent of one, Randy Guy. “We were struggling to conceive before we bought our daughter an iPad Air 2 and set it to her fingerprint. Steve Jobs is an omnipresent fertility god!”
If the campaign is a success, Jobs would join the ranks of other esteemed Nobel Peace Prize winners, including Mother Teresa, Kofi Annan, Nelson Mandela, Aung San Suu Kyi, Barack Obama, Malala Yousafzai and the 14th Dalai Lama, who may have dabbled in the intricacies of Israel and Palestine, but probably haven’t had to deal with the full force of a six year old on a sugar high, whilst hungover.