Education

Public servant fails KS1 SATs reading test paper

Attribution: Policy Exchange (Creative Commons)

Sample materials – do not use for live test administration

In what has been called by many as ‘the least surprising event of the year’, it has come to light that the public servant who put the incorrect KS1 SATs spelling test paper online failed the KS1 SATs reading paper back in November.

“It said ‘Live Test Materials’ on it in big fuck-off letters, but I wasn’t sure if that meant ‘live’ as in ‘rhymes with ‘skive’, or ‘live’ as in ‘rhymes with give'”, so I just thought ‘fuck it’ and uploaded it anyway”, said Nicky Morgan, 43, of the posh bit of Loughborough.

“I wish the error hadn’t happened and I sincerily hope this apology comes across as being very sincer because I want everyone to know how sincerily sorry I am,” said the dreadful speller.

“I want people to think that I’m sorry for causing unnecessary anxiety to six and seven year olds… but my boss is making me say this, and in reality, I couldn’t give a flying fuck.”

It’s been revealed that Ms Morgan took and failed the reading test last November, and critics have accused the government of a cover up, asking why she has retained her public service post despite officially not being smarter than a ten year old.

She was fired in the dreams of Year 2 parents across the UK last week, and in line with the new direction of the tests themselves, will now be made to repeat and pass the test this November in order to get her job back.

Ms Morgan’s test answers have been leaked online, showing that she particularly struggled with the ‘Comprehension’ section, failing to grasp the meaning of the words ’empathy’, ‘compassion’, ‘fun’, ‘happiness’ and ‘freedom’.

“What the hell is a SPAG test anyway?” she asked. “I thought I was looking at the menu for school dinners.”

 

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